


something that death can touch

by lagaudiere



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 12:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11486742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lagaudiere/pseuds/lagaudiere
Summary: Taako helps save the world, learns about rustic hospitality, and deals with death, poorly.





	something that death can touch

**Author's Note:**

> probably should have finished this like a month ago but Alas 
> 
> supposedly the original version of the title quote is "It take a lot of courage to love something that death can touch--that death has already touched" which I personally prefer

 

Ravensroost is an empty town now, long since evacuated, a cluster of pillars that stood unoccupied and bridges that were falling apart. 

But Ravensroost is where Magnus’ family was buried, so Ravensroost is where they take Magnus’ body.  

It's not the same as the Rites of Remembrance; they don't give the memory of Magnus to the voidfish, as they hadn't given up Johan’s. But they gather around his gravestone all the same, and they remember. 

There are a lot of speeches -- from Davenport, Avi, Killian and Carey, even a short, weepy one from Angus. Merle reads a selection from the Teen Bible. Lup seems not to know what to say; she steps up to Magnus' simply carved coffin, lays one hand on it, and just says, "Thank you." Lucretia doesn't say anything, but she's crying steadily on the edge of the crowd, Noelle hovering worriedly at her shoulder.    
  
Taako does his best to say what Magnus would have wanted him to, to make jokes and lighten the mood, but it all falls a little flat.   
  
"I'm not great with this junk," he says eventually. "But uh, we're all gonna miss him a lot. I'm sorry, Magnus."    
  
He walks back towards Lup and Barry, and Lup immediately puts an arm around his shoulder. Taako stares forward blankly. He doesn't seem to be able to cry.    
  
"Are you ready to go?" Lup says, after a long moment, when people are starting to file solemnly away.    
  
"I just need a sec," Taako says. She frowns at him, but takes Barry's hand and walks away.    
  
There are two names on the headstone, Julia and Magnus, and it's easy to tell the difference between Magnus' name, which has been written there for a long time, and the dates that have just been carved beneath it. Magnus always wanted to end up here, Taako thinks. What an idiot.    
  
"I'm sorry, Mags," Taako whispers. "Just so you know, we're going to kill Kalen. And we won't -- we won't let anyone forget."    
  
He takes the long way back among the tombstones, keeping an eye on Lup's distant silhouette. He turns a corner past a row of gravestones marked with dates from hundreds of years ago, and there's a familiar figure in a well-tailored suit watching him.    
  
"I thought I felt someone walk over my grave," Kravitz says drily.    
  
Taako looks back, and there actually is a very old, somewhat crumbling grave with the single name "Kravitz" engraved on it. The dates inform him that the grave's resident died at age 31. Gods, humans are fragile.    
  
"I bet this is where you take all the boys," Taako says. It comes out a little sour.    
  
Kravitz sighs. "I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable for me to be here," he says. "I heard that Magnus was from my hometown and I guess felt that -- well -- I should be. Anyway. I can go, if you want me to."    
  
"I don't know what you want me to say." Taako crosses his arms, staring at the ground. "My best friend is dead."    
  
He doesn't think he ever called Magnus his best friend, while he was alive. Maybe he never even told him they were friends at all.    
  
"I'm sorry," Kravitz says again. He sounds like it, too.    
  
"Just following orders, I guess," Taako says.    
  
Kravitz starts to reach out a hand towards him and then drops it just as quickly. "Taako... I understand completely if you're angry with me."    
  
"Not angry," Taako says. "I just need a little bit of time in my life without any death, my dude, you know?"    
  
"I understand that too." Kravitz draws his cloak closer around his shoulders, like he's shielding himself against a chill Taako knows perfectly well he doesn't feel. "I suppose you know how to contact me."    
  
"Krav --" Taako starts to say, but he's gone before he can finish the word. Taako huffs in irritation and addresses his remark to the crumbling gravestone instead.   
  
"I'm doing you a favor, man," he says, and runs to catch up with Lup.    
  


***

 

_ Bureau of Balance going-out-of-business exit interview #127  _

_ Q: Alright, let’s get right into this. How would you describe your overall experience as a Bureau employee?  _

_ A: I really don't want to do this, Brock.  _

_ Q: It’s Brad, but that's okay, you'll get it next time. I'm going to need you to go ahead and answer that question, though.  _

_ A: Okay, Brent, it was a bad experience. Really didn’t work out all that well, for me.  _

_ Q: Can you describe what was unsatisfactory about your employment?  _

_A: Really? Can't you figure this one out yourself?_

_ Q: Taako --  _

_ A: No, come on. I don't have to do this, I got my severance pay, I’m leaving. _

_ Q: Hold on! One more question. Would you consider joining a class-action lawsuit against the Director?  _

_ A: Shit, is that an option? You should've led with that one, Brick. Tell me more.  _

 

***   
If anyone had asked Taako at any previous point in his life if he would willingly live in a place named Hogsbottom, he would've laughed. And that wasn't even taking into account the actual qualities of the place, which are firmly in the middle ground between “village” and “woods”. Elven ancestry aside, Taako is not a woodland person. He is not rustic or hospitable. 

But Hogsbottom is, he grimly reminds himself every day, where he lives now. 

Arrangements were made fairly quickly, afterwards. Everything came together much more efficiently than Taako would have expected, but it turned out that no one wanted to stay on the now-defunct moon base any longer than they had to. Lucretia was gone first, and then Davenport, looking for Lucretia. Then Merle had announced that he was going home, to see his family, to be a father to his children. 

It shouldn't have been unexpected, but it still hurt. There would never be seven of them again, and there would never be three. 

They talked about what to do with Angus, and it was universally agreed that Killian and Carey were best suited to take care of him. They'd decided on the best place to start over, and Noelle was going with them, back to her hometown. It turned out that Carey’s brother had married one of her cousins, so it only made sense. 

“You'll still be able to teach me magic lessons, right, sir?” Angus asked Taako hopefully. 

“Maybe,” Taako said. “Who knows what I’ll be doing, really.” Angus looked heartbroken, but he nodded. 

Taako had ended up following them in the end, though, mostly because it seemed like the only option after Lup and Barry told him their plan. 

Davenport had tracked down Lucretia, and they’d come to some kind of agreement to try and rebuild a ship like the one from their homeworld, to try and travel between the planes again 

“We’re going to try to help,” Lup told him. “If we could get back out there, well -- we’d be able to tell everyone what happened. Stop it from happening again, maybe.” 

“You could come with us, if you want,” Barry added, and Lup nodded. She looked hopeful. 

Taako thought about it, but not for very long. “No,” he said. “I think it's time for me to retire.”

So he’s rural now, getting halfway to rustic even. The local tavern was delighted to hire him as their head cook (you can’t be a chef at a tavern, just a cook) and he serves the town Noelle’s family’s cider and the best food they’ve ever had. He’s got a place to stay above the tavern and he sees the Fangbattle-Redcheek-plus-Killian-and-Angus clan every day. Merle promises to visit, and he talks to Lup via stone of farspeech every night. 

It's a decent place when you get used to it. It's Magnus’ kind of place. 

Sometimes Taako swears he can see a raven out of the corner of his eye, watching him from a nearby tree branch or fence post. He tries not to think about it. 

 

***

  
They saved the world, basically. All of the worlds. They pulled it off pretty much by the skin of their teeth, and Taako doesn't like to think about how close they came to getting it all wrong.   
  
One of the benefits of saving the world is that the Raven Queen cuts them a pretty good deal.  
  
When she shows up on the moon, manifesting to the six of them just after all the bad shit with the hunger goes down, she's actually just a raven, in actual bird form, and she's sitting on Kravitz's shoulder. Kravitz is all black cloak and skeleton-face, but his general demeanor manages to convey pretty well that he's had a bad day. Taako tries not to look him in the where-his-eyes-should-be.   
  
"Um," Barry says.   
  
"Hey!" Merle exclaims indignantly.   
  
"Don't try anything," Taako hisses at his umbrella.   
  
The Raven Queen speaks in a voice that's definitely not how birds usually sound. "Barry Bluejeans," she says, "thank you."  
  
Kravitz looks a little shocked at that. "Barry Bluejeans," he repeats, in his dumb Cockney accent, and leafs through his book of names. "It looks like we're going to be able to grant you something of a reprieve. Could I make you an offer for the rest of your natural lifespan? Just in exchange for all of that lich magic?"   
  
"Hang on," Magnus says. He's got one hand on his axe. Taako tries to shake his ohead at him, but Magnus isn't looking. "Does the one hundred years count?"   
  
Kravitz looks at the Raven. "Just your time on this world," she says.   
  
Barry looks tired. "I don't know if I should take it," he says. "What about Lup?"   
  
"Lup?" Kravitz flips through the book again. "She has -- oh boy. That's a very high bounty. Do you know this person?"   
  
Taako sighs. "She's my sister," he mumbles. "Pretty sure her soul is inhabiting my umbrella. Or something." He attempts a charming smile at Kravitz. "I'm sure she didn't actually, you know, want to kill you. She's big on fire."  
  
Magnus whips his head around. "When did this happen?" he says.   
  
Before Taako can try to bluff his way out of it, the Raven Queen interrupts. "Let's deal with the personal drama on your own time," she says. "Elf, give us the umbrella."   
  
Taako's grip on the handle tightens. "Not if you're going to kill her!"   
  
Immediately, everyone is pointing their weapons at Kravitz, except for Davenport and Lucretia, who don't actually have any now that the relics have been destroyed. "We don't kill," the Raven says.   
  
"I'm not seeing how it makes a huge amount of difference," Barry says. He steps in front of Taako -- in front of Lup, really -- and points his wand squarely at the Raven Queen.   
  
"Okay," Kravitz says, in a slightly less convincing accent. "Okay, I really don't want to fight anyone here, and I just want to remind everyone that I am incorporeal. And she is, you know, a god."   
  
"I have a Destroy Undead thing?" Merle chimes in.   
  
"A god, Highchurch," Kravitz repeats.   
  
"Why can't Lup have the rest of her lifespan?" Taako demands. "I can't -- we're not going to just hand her over! Cut me a break here!"   
  
The Raven's eyes glow red. "She doesn't have a body, Taako," Kravitz says, sadly. "I'm very sorry, but this time I don't really have a choice."   
  
"I'll trade you my life for hers," Taako says, without even thinking about it.   
  
The Raven Queen blinks. In Taako's hands, the Umbra Staff shakes violently in what feels like protest. He ignores it.   
  
"Come on," Taako continues, hastily. "I've got a pretty high bounty, this soul is worth a lot of dough, and you can have it. I'm cool with it, I'll get into the Grim Reaper business or whatever. Just let Lup live."   
  
"No," Kravitz says. "No -- Taako. Absolutely not." He's dropped the accent completely now, and everyone is staring at them, and it's mad uncomfortable. Would be, really, a great time to die.   
  
"What does the boss say?" Taako says.   
  
The Raven turns her gaze on his, evaluating. "Sorry," she says. "Your bounties aren't even in the same class."   
  
The umbrella immediately stops shaking, and Kravitz looks relieved. "Right," he says, "no deal."   
  
"And I'm not taking the lich," the Raven says. "We've made that deal already. I can do -- oh, someone here has crossed over." Her red eyes scan over all of them -- Lucretia, Davenport, Merle -- and then finally land on Magnus.   
  
"No," Davenport says. "We won't -- none of us are making that choice."   
  
"I think that decision is up to you, Magnus Burnsides," the Raven says.   
  
The umbrella starts shaking again, like it's brimming with the energy of an offensive spell, but Barry is still standing in front of them.   
  
"It's going to be fine, Lup," Taako says, hoping she can hear him. "It's fine, we'll work it out."   
  
Magnus looks over at them, and there's a look in his eyes Taako hasn't seen before. "Can she understand this?" he asks.  
  
"I believe she can," Lucretia says, hovering awkwardly over Davenport's shoulder. "Obviously she has been influencing the course of events all along."   
  
Barry laughs a little bit at that. "Yeah," he says, and Taako realizes his voice sounds thick with tears. "She has."   
  
Magnus nods, like he's trying to steady himself. "Okay. And you guys are going to give her her body back?"   
  
"Yes," the Raven replies.   
  
"You're not really considering this!" Merle says. He pulls sharply on Magnus' sleeve. "Mags. Maggie. C'mon. You got a whole life ahead of you."   
  
Taako feels rooted to the spot. "We can't ask you to do this, Magnus," he says. "She doesn't want that."   
  
Magnus smiles, though, and Taako knows then that it's all over. "It's the right thing, though," he says. "And I've got someone waiting for me."   
  
"Magnus," Merle says again, but he doesn't seem to know what else to say.   
  
"I wish you guys could've met Julia," Magnus says. "She would've loved all of you." He nods in the direction of Kravitz and the Raven Queen. "I'll take the deal."   
  
The Umbra Staff glows white hot, hot enough to burn, but Taako doesn't let go. Selfish, maybe, but the only thing he can think is, Lup. He's going to see Lup again.   
  
And before he can think anything else, Barry shudders violently, and he suddenly seems -- different, somehow. Diminished, not physically, but in some undeniable way.   
  
"This is your last life, Barry Bluejeans," the Raven Queen says. "Now, Kravitz. Let's make a trade."  
  
Kravitz glances at Magnus, but then just as quickly he looks back at Taako, and he thinks the expression on Kravitz's face might be guilt. "I'm sorry," he says, obviously not talking to the person he should be addressing. "It isn't going to hurt."   
  
"It's all good, guys," Magnus says. "I want you all to know, it's been a good run. Longer than a human should have, really. I'm gonna be fine."  
  
Taako tries not to look, when it happens. He really does. But he feels like on some level he owes it to Magnus to watch. Magnus is stoic, calm, looking straight ahead. And Taako knows he's not going to forget the image of Kravitz extending a long, skeletal hand and reaching straight into Magnus' chest, pulling out a ball of bright, white light. As soon as he does it, Magnus' eyes close, and he's falling backwards.   
  
Somehow, Taako didn't realize there'd be a body.   
  
Kravitz cradles the ball of light in one hand, and he's careful with it, gentle, but when he extends his other hand in the direction of Taako and Barry, Taako's knees still buckle. He's finally lost his grip on the umbrella, and he's falling, and then --   
  
And then Lup is holding him up.   
  
*** 

  
The first thing Taako decides after avoiding the end of the world is that he is absolutely never, ever going to forgive Lucretia. 

He’d spent twelve years on this world with no idea who he was or where he’d come from, all of his memories ripped apart to remove all traces of Lup. He’d even lost magic, completely, been reduced to relearning everything from scratch. It makes him sick to think about all that time he’d spent casting cantrips on carrot cake with no idea he was already a wizard. 

And that was her fault, like Taako ripping an umbrella out of his dead sister’s hands was her fault, like Magnus no longer occupying his room in the apartment where Taako is currently packing his belongings is her fault.

So she had good intentions, so she did the right thing in the end. Taako's not going to forgive and forget that easily, not this time. 

He relays all of this to Lup as he sorts through the various enchanted earrings, rings, scarves and socks he’s acquired over the past year and a half, trying to decide which of them are worth hauling along on the trip back to the planet’s surface.    


"Lucretia told me how many people the gauntlet killed in Phandalin," Lup says. "I think she's still trying to make me feel guilty. Like oooh, I didn't murder anybody with my staff that I  had the whole time. Cool job."    
  
“To be fair,” Taako says, “that one was mostly on the three of us.”

Lup’s lying on her stomach on the floor of Taako’s room, leafing through his spellbooks. It reminds him intensely of being twelve years old, except they've killed a lot more people and they don't have any issues of Fantasy Tiger Beat. “I guess,” Lup says, not looking at him. 

“I don't even how how many people got fucked up by the philosopher’s stone,” Taako says. “Not stellar decision-making, on our part.”

Lup rolls over onto her back and props herself up on an elbow enough to look into his eyes. “I don't regret anything,” she says. “Do you?” 

Her gaze is scary intense. She was always good at that. “Some shit,” Taako says. “A few regrets, yeah.” 

Lup sighs. “Barry used to sneak in to see your show, you know,” she says after a moment. “He told me about it. I wish I could've -- I'm really proud of you. It's not fair, what happened.”

“Nah, I screwed it up,” Taako says. “I mean, I'm great at garlic chicken, but the issue was maybe more people-based.” 

Lup scowls at him. She pulls a copy of a battered book out from under the bed, and Taako winces immediately. It's his cookbook, adorned with the glossy front-cover image of past-Taako smiling his stupid perfectly symmetrical smile and waving his stupid whisk, not a worry in the world, a bunch of voidfish holes in his stupid memory. 

“I don't think that's what the author of my favorite book would say,” Lup says sternly. 

“Yeah, well, this existential crisis isn't going anywhere,” Taako mumbles. “Isn't there a quiz we can take about which bard we should marry, or something?” 

Lup laughs. “Speaking of that, how's death boy?”

It's been a week since Kravitz crossed back to the astral plane, on the Raven’s orders, leaving Taako kneeling over Magnus’ body. He’d apologized about a hundred times, and Taako had yelled a lot of things about how if he ever saw any emissary of the goddamn Raven Queen anywhere he was going to banish them to the blackness of space before they could say “natural cycle of life”. 

He wasn't proud of that one, but he didn't exactly regret it, either.

It was strange how easy it had all seemed with Kravitz, before. Sure, the death thing had been part of the initial appeal -- who wouldn't be a little bit into that power trip? -- but after a few dates Taako had all but forgotten about it. Kravitz was just a  _ guy _ , and more than that he was definitely the sweetest, least threatening guy Taako had ever been with. He usually acted like he would've been more suited to a career as a librarian or some kind of pedantic tour guide at a museum about crossword puzzles. 

It was different, but it was good. And it was all irrelevant now, or it should be, because now he could never forget exactly what Kravitz did. What he was. 

“I'm gonna take a stab at meeting somebody you can't refer to as ‘death boy’, I think,” Taako says.

Lup raises her eyebrows a little bit, but she lets it pass. She still knows him too well. 

 

***

Taako doesn't realize there's anything wrong with his magic until Angus starts hanging around the tavern, dropping hints. 

He sits on one of the bar stools with his feet dangling several inches off the ground, eating his customary grilled cheese (the kid won't eat anything Taako gives him with more spice than a bread roll), and talking about about magic. 

“Carey says it's very important for any detective to have some way of defending himself,” Angus says, “and she's been trying to teach me rogue things, but I'm no good, I can't seem to get the hang of arrows, and Killian tried to show me how to use a sword but all of hers are bigger than me and I thought maybe you could teach me some fighting spells since I was getting pretty good at magic. Sir,” he adds, looking very winded at the end of this long, obviously prepared sentence.

Taako sighs. “Fine,” he says. “Let's talk about Magic Missile. Nice basic spell, good for anything.” 

Angus grins and whips out his wand with so much flourish he almost knocks over his glass of milk. 

“Okay.” Taako points his own wand, the one he’s been using since Lup reclaimed her umbra staff, at the dartboard on the opposite wall. “Now all you gotta do with this one is just sort of channel all your magic into deciding you want to hurt something, and you look at the spot you’re gonna hit, and you just… do.”

But nothing’s happening. 

“Are you going to show me, sir?” Angus says, very politely. 

“Yeah, just --” Taako waves his wand a few times, and then resorts to less waving and more shaking, hoping the spell is maybe just stuck. But he doesn't cast Magic Missile. Or more accurately, Magic Missile doesn't agree to be cast. 

Taako squints at the dartboard. He thinks it might have a few less holes in it than it did before. 

“Sir?” Angus says, looking concerned. 

Taako sticks the wand back behind his ear and scowls. “That's enough magic for today,” he says. “Tell Carey and Killian I said you should get yourself a job without combat in it.”

He thinks maybe the problem is just the new wand at first, and then he wonders if maybe Angus really is stealing his magic -- that  _ would  _ be what he gets for doing something nice for the kid. 

But eventually, extensive experimentation demonstrates that it isn't just any spell he has problems with. It's only spells whose effects are based on combat situations; hurting people. And then he has to conclude that it's pretty obvious he’s the problem. 

It isn’t fair. It isn't. 

He lost control of transmutation after Glamour Springs, his most practiced and studied art, and it was awful. He’d only started to get a handle on it again after he’d started working with Merle and Magnus for the second-first time, started fighting real enemies. But as bad as it was transmuting water into stone when he tried to drink it, and stone into water when he tried to walk on it, this is worse. At least before he knew he still had the ability. Now it might just be gone. 

So the next time he spots a raven hovering in one of Hogsbottom’s many picturesque flower blushes, he walks over, points his newly-less-effective wand at it, and casts Dispel Magic. 

This also does nothing. 

“Oh, fuck you!” Taako says, half to the wand and half to the raven. “That wasn't even an offensive spell!” 

“It's a powerful magic you're trying to dispel,” the raven says, in Kravitz’s voice. “I'm sure it was a fine attempt. Also, I think if it was successful I would probably cease to exist. So let's not try that again.” 

“Stop being a bird, then,” Taako says. 

With a ripple of black wings, Kravitz does. His human form is standing in the middle of the now slightly squashed flower bush, and he looks faintly embarrassed, moreso as he disentangles himself from it. 

“Hi,” he says. “How have you been?”

“Did you do something to my magic?” Taako demands. 

Kravitz blinks at him, confused. “What? No.” 

“Well, it's not working!” Taako says, waving his wand at nothing in particular for emphasis. “I can't cast any of my hurting-people spells, and I need those, and you keep lurking around all creepy poetry style, so it seems like maybe there's a connection!” 

“What do you need those spells for?” Kravitz says. 

It's Taako’s turn to blink uncomprehendingly. “Huh?” 

“Well, I have been keeping an eye on you -- and I’m very sorry about that, by the way, I know I shouldn't -- and you don't seem to have been fighting anyone. So why the concern over offensive spells?” 

Taako comes up a little short on that one. “Got a lot of enemies,” he says stubbornly, though admittedly many of them are now dead. “Besides, I have to teach self-defense to Agnes. He's an irritating kid, anyone could try to kill him.” 

Kravitz smiles at him. It's a very soft smile, the kind of smile that you really  _ mean _ , and Taako wishes he wouldn't. “I'm sorry,” he says, again, “but it has nothing to do with me.”

Taako folds his arms over his chest. “Then why are you even here?” 

“I care about your safety,” Kravitz says. “I wanted to make sure that it wasn't in any immediate trouble. Currently.” 

It might be -- no, definitely is -- emotionally screwy that this actually makes him feel better. Makes him feel calmer, even. If he told Lup about it, she would tell him in her most faux-exasperated tone, that he needed to love himself more. 

“I can take care of myself,” Taako says, unconvincingly since he has sort of just finished explaining that he can’t. 

“Please do.” Kravitz smiles at him again, but it's a sad kind of smile, not reaching his eyes. He holds out a hand and his scythe appears in it instantly, and he's cutting a path through the planes. “I can take a hint, Taako, but, um. Well, if you ever want to talk, you have my frequency.” 

And then he's gone again. 

Taako spends the rest of the day trying to shoot magic missiles at passing birds and not succeeding. There's no way around it. 

He's going to have to kill something. 

 

*** 

When he and Lup were young -- kids really, teenagers in human terms -- she’d killed someone. 

They'd been cooking for a theatre company at the time, and in Taako’s opinion it was one of the better jobs they'd had. The travel had been to big cities, the actors had an endless supply of stories from the road, and there was a friendly wardrobe mistress who let Taako borrow clothes from her costume trunk. And there was something about the energy, the crowds, the applause that was irresistible. Taako thought maybe if they stuck around long enough he might be asked to play something like Fresh-Faced Elven Lad (there were a lot of roles like that). 

He only realized later that this was why Lup hadn't told him about the actor who played all the heroes and kings winking at her when he thought no one was looking, whispering lewd things in her ears. 

And then one night he snuck into the cargo car where Taako and Lup slept and by the time Taako woke up to the sound of screams, the actor was on fire. 

“We have to go,” Lup said, panic in her voice, yanking Taako roughly to his feet. “We have to  _ go _ , Taako, come on.” 

She held tight to his hand when she leapt out of the caravan, pulling him with her. Taako barely had enough time to cast Feather Fall, but Lup landed on her feet without any magical aid, and took off running immediately.

He followed her, without asking questions. They'd spent enough time on the road for him to put it together.

Lup ran for what seemed like miles, and when Taako finally begged her to slow down, she kept walking, eyes darting back and forth for any sign of danger.

“There's no one following us,” Taako offered quietly. 

She didn't respond. 

So they kept walking, throughout the night and well into the approach of dawn, until they found the road and, after a couple of tries, an inn that would accept a few days’ work in the kitchen in exchange for a place to stay. 

Alone in a shabby but clean guest room, they both collapsed onto the single twin bed, exhausted. Lup’s breathing was labored and her eyes were shut tight. 

It wasn't the first time they’d had to leave a job like this, with no warning and no time to gather their things. Taako had long since stopped hoping they would find somewhere safe. 

“We can't keep doing this,” Lup said. 

“What else is there?” Taako replied. 

Lup sat up and looked at him with her sharpest, most sincere eyes. “We’re wizards now,” she said. “And we’re damn good at it. We’re  _ dangerous _ . There's got to be a market for that.”

“Yeah,” Taako said. “It's called being mercenaries. You wanna do that?” 

All the air seemed to go out of Lup’s body, and she flopped back against the bed with a sigh. “No,” she said, and then again, quieter and sadder, “no.” 

They lay there in silence for a while, both them staring up at the ceiling. Lup was shaking, very slightly.

“Hey.” Taako reached for her hand, and she let him take it, which for Lup was rare. Taako thought about the image of the man she’d set on fire, mouth open in a horrible scream. It was, he thought, better than anybody who’d try to hurt Lup deserved. 

“You did the right thing,” he told her, and she squeezed his hand back with a tiny smile. 

The voidfish had eaten that memory, though, and for a long time the only thing Taako remembered was the first time he’d killed someone. In the memory he was alone, stopped by a group of bandits who didn't realize he was a magic user, a knife to his throat. He’d only had to take one out for the rest to run. 

In the memory he had now, Lup was there too, being held at knifepoint and then casting horrified eyes at the corpse at Taako’s feet. 

But he hadn't felt guilty, in either version of his memory. He hadn't felt bad at all.

 

***

 

Merle agrees to the plan as soon as Taako contacts him. Magnus had done a lot of the work for them; he’d been tracking Kalen’s movements before he died, must've been using Bureau resources for it. It’s all sketched out in a map tucked in with his belonging -- he had a lot of books about birdwatching and dog breeding -- along with several pages of notes. 

He wouldn't have been able to read any of it, at the end. 

Taako leaves the tavern in Hathaway Redcheek-Fangbattle’s small but capable hands and they spend a few days on the road, filling in the several months after Magnus’ trail ends. The governor’s gotten sloppy. He probably thought no one was looking for him anymore. 

“Feels just like old times!” Merle calls out to Taako when they find the first of the guards. He hits the guy with his warhammer and a grin. 

“Hell yeah, baby!” And he's right, there's a lot of the old adrenaline in it. This could work.

He aims his wand squarely at the guy Merle’s fighting and summons Scorching Ray. 

It works perfectly. All of his spells do. 

“I gotta get a sticker,” Taako crows as he and Merle make their way into the inner sanctum of Kalen’s residence. “This machine kills fascists.” 

If it feels strange to Merle that Taako’s leading the way, if he's thinking, too, about the broad-shouldered figure they’d gotten used to following behind, Merle doesn't say anything. 

There are only a few more guards between them and the room in the very center of the house, the library. They find Kalen waiting for them, surprisingly calm. He's a gaunt old man, fingers steepled in front of him on a copy of an ancient book. It's open to a diagram of a guillotine. 

“‘Ello, guvner,” Merle says, terribly. 

Kalen offers them a weak smile. “Well, you two aren't who I expected,” he says. “Are you mercenaries? Whatever they paid you--”

“You'll double it?” Merle sneers. “Sorry, no deal.” A ring of radiant fire appears around the governor’s desk. It's very satisfying, how afraid he suddenly looks. “Taako, you wanna do the honors?”

“You got it.” Taako grins as he aims his wand. “If you were wondering, by the way, this one’s for Julia.” 

He means to cast Evard’s Black Tentacles, draw this one out a little bit. But there are no black tentacles. His wand is, once again, a useless piece of wood. 

Kalen raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you, ah, a wizard?” 

Taako reaches for Plan B, and he’s very grateful that the sword on his back comes with an enchantment that makes it lighter, because the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom is a fighter’s weapon. It doesn't feel natural in his grasp, but it feels  _ powerful _ , and that's what matters now. “This one,” he says, “is for Magnus.” 

He swings the sword towards Kalen, but before it can connect with flesh, a wave of force ripples out from the governor, and Taako’s staggering back, the sword unwieldy in his hands, and he's losing his balance and the angle is all wrong and the blade connects then, connects with the side of his neck.

He drops the sword, and Kalen is on fire suddenly, or maybe his vision is just on fire, and someone is screaming. It might be Merle. Taako falls forward, which some dim, distant part of his mind recognizes as a bad sign. 

The pain isn't a surprise, the pain that blots out all of your senses until it finally blots out your mind. That one he’s felt a few times. Not being able to breathe isn't unfamiliar either, and neither is suddenly losing quite a bit of blood. There's a lot of inevitability to it, dying. There's even a little relief. He remembers dying, and it always makes the pain stop. 

It's not surprising when he sees the faint figure of a skeleton in a black robe, either, because if Death won't leave him alone anyway it's the least he could do to show up for the special occasion.

“You,” Death bellows at a point behind Taako, eyes red with rage and voice echoing off the walls, “are a  _ terrible  _ cleric.”

Taako closes his eyes. 

When he opens them again, Merle is holding a cold compress to his forehead and praying a prayer to Pan that consists mostly of hiccuping suppressed sobs. Kravitz is kneeling over him too, and as Taako blinks a few times his skull melts into a human face and an expression of intense relief.

“It's alright, Highchurch,” Kravitz says. “He's alive.” 

Merle’s one eye gets very wide behind his glasses. “I healed him?” he says, disbelievingly. 

“Eventually,” Kravitz hisses. 

Taako reaches an unsteady hand to touch the wound on his throat. It doesn't seem to be there anymore, but there's a lot of blood, sort of all over him. 

“Merle,” he says, “please tell me this isn't going to scar.” 

They both laugh, Merle and Kravitz, both looking at him like it's a miracle he's still alive. Kravitz is holding onto one of Taako’s hands very tightly, which he knows he should object to, but that would take a lot more energy than seems worth it at the moment. 

“What’re you doing here?” he says instead. 

Kravitz nods at a large pile of ash behind them Taako hadn't noticed. “Death of a dictator,” he says. “Always good to show up for those, get in some freelance work for the aspects of Karma. Anyway, he's crossed over. I can deal with eternal punishment later.” 

“Merle killed him?” Taako says, mystified. “Hey, wow. Good cleric shit.” 

Merle immediately dissolves into tears again. “I'm just happy you’re alive, buddy,” he chokes out. 

Taako’s eyes are beginning to refocus, and there is really a lot of blood. “Do you think I could stand up?” he asks. 

Merle shakes his head. “No! That was a bad hit, you need more than one healing spell for that.” His eye shines with what Taako has learned to recognize as misplaced parental instinct. “I'm going to have to do first aid.” 

“Well, we have to leave. I can't keep bleeding on this guy’s rug, yeah? We can't just chill out.” 

Kravitz coughs nervously. “I suppose I could, ah, carry you.” 

“I cast Phantom Steed!” Taako says as quickly as possible.

This spell, at least, works.

 

***

 

After they catch a sweet unicorn ride to an inn that's an acceptable distance away from the crime scene, Merle makes Taako lie down again and fusses over him with a number of tinctures and potions which Taako finds highly suspicious. He takes them anyway, because it seems to make the guy happy and if he does get poisoned, Merle can always heal him again. 

Kravitz stands in the corner looking frozen to the spot. “Do you want me to go?” he asks Taako anxiously, a number of times. 

It’s probably all the blood loss, but Taako doesn't, particularly. “Whatever,” he says, as casually as he can manage.

Kravitz doesn't leave. 

“Okay,” Merle says eventually. He surveys the complex network of bandages he's applied and seems pleased. “Now. If I leave the room, are you going to talk to each other or do I have to cast Zone of Truth?” 

“I'm  _ injured _ ,” Taako protests. “I could've  _ died _ !” 

“Talk!” Merle says, and he slams the first aid kit shut with an ominous click and sort of stalk-waddles out of the room. 

Kravitz looks more mortified than ever. “I'll just, um, astral plane, then,” he says. 

“Wait.” Taako props himself up on his elbows and manages to sit up maybe halfway. He imagines he looks like a literary heroine dying of some very tragic disease, which isn't a bad look at all, except for all the blood in his hair. “You weren't there for Kalen.” 

“No,” Kravitz admits. 

“You were yelling at Merle about healing me.” 

“I -- may have, yes.” 

There's no delicate way to phrase what he wants to ask, so Taako just spits it out. “Why does it, like, matter to you if I die?” 

Kravitz looks shocked. “Why wouldn't it matter to me?” he says. “I, I care about you. I do have a heart, you know! Metaphorically. Literally I don't.” 

“But nothing's gonna happen if I die,” Taako protests. “You could still see me whenever. I mean, I’d be floating around in the pool of souls so you'd probably see me more often, and you can obviously get a physical body, so that's not the issue--” 

“You have no idea,” Kravitz interrupts, “what you're talking about.”

He starts pacing around the room a little, restlessly, and Taako recognizes it as an attempt not to turn into a skeleton, which is his normal response to uncomfortable conversations. 

“You don't know what dying is like,” Kravitz says, “until you  _ die _ . And don't tell me you have, because it isn't the same when you don't come back, but you keep existing afterwards, and you never -- your heart never beats again. You never feel warm again. And you're never free again, not from the astral plane, not from the Raven Queen. Or from me.” He sighs. “So many people die too soon. They die when they're supposed to, of course, but it's still too soon. There's so much… wasted potential.” 

He stops pacing then, He looks about as lost as Taako feels. 

“Life is incredibly valuable, Taako,” he says, and then, through gritted teeth, “ _ Your  _ life is very precious to me. If Merle hadn't been able to help you, I… I don't know what I would have done. Probably something very stupid.”

There's nothing to say but the obvious. “But you let Magnus die.” 

There's a flash of red in his eyes, at that. 

“I think about Magnus every day,” Kravitz says. “Believe me, I didn't enjoy it. But he understood the value of a good life well-lived. He made a choice about his with his eyes open. And I think he would hate to see you waste yours.”

Taako sighs. He's starting to feel the effects of his recent medical treatment. Apart from its very infrequent use, Merle’s medical kit is mostly known for its high morphine content. 

“Alright, come over here,” he says. 

Kravitz blinks at him. “What?” 

“Don't get any  _ ideas _ . Merle took my cold compress and I'm pretty sure I’m fresh out of spell slots right now, so I just need one of your frigid corpse hands to help me out with this wicked headache.”

Kravitz reluctantly perches, as lightly as he can, on the edge of the hotel bed. He extends one of his hands, fingers so thin as to be nearly still skeletal, and Taako places it firmly on his forehead. 

It does help, actually. Kravitz is perfectly still beside him; not even breathing. 

There's a long moment of silence, and Kravitz is as cold and as steady as marble, and he doesn't have a heartbeat but it's alright, even a little calming, and if you can't be honest in a run-down pay-by-the-hour inn in the middle of nowhere, where can you? 

“I miss you,” Taako mumbles. “Is that stupid? Don't answer that.” 

“I miss you too,” Kravitz says quietly. 

“But it's never gonna work,” Taako adds insistently. “Because I’m all messed up, and you're dead. Death. But it's not because I don't like you. It's not you, it's me.” He laughs at that, but it seems like Kravitz doesn't get it. He's very quiet, and very still. 

Taako thinks, blearily, of waves crashing over his head on a distant planet, inescapable. Locked in, that was what he called it. That meant something. 

“I'm gonna go to sleep now,” he informs Kravitz. 

“I thought elves didn't need to sleep.” 

“We don't. But sometimes it helps.” 

“Alright.” Cold fingers run through Taako’s hair, and it’s comforting, almost as much as the pleasant fog of whatever Merle gave him.

“Love you,” Taako says hazily.

He doesn't realize he’s said it until the next morning, and by then Merle is poking at his bandages and pronouncing him cured, and Kravitz is already gone. 

 

***

 

On the train back to Hogsbottom, Merle does one of his worst Merle things, which is attempting to dispense some fatherly wisdom. 

It's after a half-hour’s journey in which Merle is contemplative bordering on morose, and Taako’s struggles to liven the mood are falling flat. 

“C’mon, Merle, we just finished a revenge quest!” he says eventually. “We should be celebrating and talking about which figures from our backstory we’re gonna kill next! What's wrong with you?” 

Merle raises an eyebrow. “So you don't want to talk about your magic?”

“You're not my therapist,” Taako says, not that he has one. He'd been using the money from Bureau HR for that on tarot readings, which were kind of the same thing, but he kept getting the death card. 

“Y’know, Taako,” Merle says, clearly winding up to what he thinks is going to be a great pitch, “there's nothing wrong with finding a little happiness in this crazy world. Taking love where you can get it, you know? Grabbing life with both hands and just shaking it.” 

Taako stares at him, incredulous. “I have no idea what that means,” he says. “Please don't tell me.” 

“I'm talking,” Merle says, “about your  _ suitor _ .” 

This is the worst thing Taako has possibly ever heard. He considers leaving for the dining car, maybe to hide under a table, but Merle would just follow him. “We can't be having this conversation.” 

Merle taps the frame of his glasses in a gesture that he probably thinks conveys wisdom. “Now I know he may have lied to me about bein’ God, and there was that whole thing with Magnus --” 

Taako pulls a spellbook out of his bag and holds it directly in front of his face. 

“-- but just because someone’s undead doesn't mean they can't care about you. And I can tell he does. That's all I'm sayin’! You can put the book down now!” 

Taako, scowling, reads the entire chapter on the magical properties of dragon’s spine simply out of spite. 

Across from him, Merle sighs several times, loudly and ostentatiously. 

“Mavis has been reading some spellbooks,” he says eventually. “Says she’s thinking about being a druid.” 

Taako looks over the top of his book. “Nothing wrong with that as a career,” he says cautiously. “You can get some primo forest real estate as a druid.” 

Merle sighs again, and Taako thinks suddenly of how old he seems now, lines of exhaustion on his face Taako could swear weren't there even a year ago.

“It's just… I used to want my kids to go on adventures with me,” Merle says. “Now I just want ‘em to stay out of trouble. You know what I mean?” 

Taako looks out the window at the landscape flying past them, the endless fields of wheat, as rustic as it gets. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I know.” 

 

*** 

After their aunt died --they must've been about twelve, though Taako can't remember if they ever knew their real birthday -- he and Lup went to live with a human foster family in a nearby city. 

The couple had three of their own children, all boys, and it was clear immediately that none of them liked the look of Lup and Taako, who were all pointed ears and big eyes and hair down to their waists. The hair was a problem. On their first night, their new foster mother gathered it up into two ponytails and cut it as short as she could with one swipe of her kitchen scissors. 

“There,” she’d said, satisfied. “Now you'll fit right in at school.” 

Taako was bitterly angry, but Lup was inconsolable. “It's not fair. They won't even call me my real name,” she said, looking at herself in the mirror and biting down on her lip in worry, tears welling up in her eyes. “What if no one at school will?” 

“They will,” Taako promised, but he could tell she didn't believe it. 

Before anyone else woke up the next day, Taako went on a stealth mission. He took twenty dollars from a kitchen drawer and searched the shelves of the nearest apothecary until he found what he was looking for -- a bottle of a potion that would restore shorn hair, on a shelf labeled transmutation.

Lup hadn't smiled so brightly in a long time. 

There were other foster families after that, but not for long. It was better if he and Lup just took care of each other. 

And for a long time there was another version of that memory, and all the others like it. Memories where he was alone, with no idea whether anyone else in the world would understand or even care.

Someday, maybe, he’d stop remembering that.

 

*** 

 

He doesn't tell Lup about what happened. 

He hasn't told her about his issues with magic at all, and he doesn't know why. She calls him every night, tells him every detail of the work they're doing. They've tracked down Lucas Miller and are working with him on how they might be able to build a new bond engine. Taako still doesn't trust that guy, but he's sure Lucas will acquire a healthy fear of Lup.

He lets her put Barry on the line, and Davenport; they're both recovering their memories more slowly, but they're getting there. Every time Taako hears from them, they reminisce about another cycle, another life they've lived. 

He doesn't talk to Lucretia. He doesn't have anything to say to her. 

And then his stone of farspeech lights up one night and he hears Lup’s voice launch right into “Merle told me you almost  _ died _ ?”

“Uh,” Taako says, “it wasn't like, a thing.” 

“It sounded like a thing,” she says.

There's a long silence between them for a moment, and not the comfortable kind. Behind the tavern’s bar, Taako pours himself a glass of brandy. Liquid courage. 

“Why wouldn't you tell me?” Lup says eventually. “I would've helped, gone with you…” 

“I didn't want you to worry,” Taako mumbles. 

“Bullshit,” Lup spits. “When have you ever hidden anything from me?”

Taako takes a long drink of his brandy. It tastes like key lime gogurt. “It's never gonna be the same, Lulu,” he says quietly. “I had twelve years of stuff happen to me while you were gone, and I didn't remember anything, I don't… I don't know how to go back to the way things were.” 

There's a crackle of a sigh on the other end. “I guess I just hoped we’d be okay,” she says. 

“We are! I just gotta… remember that.”

Taako wishes he could see Lup’s face. 

“I miss Magnus too, you know,” she says. “I mean, how do you think I feel? He gave up his life for me, and it's like… I have to do something good with it.”

Taako thinks of Magnus’ mile-wide romantic streak, of how thrilled he’d looked all those years ago when they’d first spotted Lup and Barry holding hands. He thinks of how certain he is that if Magnus were here, he’d be doing whatever he could to help rebuild the ship. 

It was funny, really, that spending years on this plane without his memories had made Magnus so much better. It hadn't worked on him or Merle at all. 

“You are,” he tells Lup. “He’d think you're doing great.” 

“I don't know. I'm still pretty terrible at woodcarving.” 

Taako laughs, and after a moment she joins in, sounding relieved, and the silence that falls between them after that is closer to comfortable. 

“Remember those stories we used to make up when we were kids?” Lup says. 

Taako knows what she means immediately. When they were just old enough to understand that they didn't have parents, bouncing around between aunts and cousins and family friends who didn't care much for having two extra mouths to feed, they’d spend hours telling each other stories. Mostly they focused on the theme of their real parents turning out to be royalty or mythical heroes or great artists and coming back to find them. It was pretty pathetic, Taako thought, but they were just kids. 

“Are you gonna say that we found our real family after all?” he asks her skeptically. 

Lup laughs again. “No,” she says. “I was gonna say, those dumb kids wouldn't even believe how awesome we are now.” 

 

*** 

 

Kravitz doesn't answer his stone of farspeech, afterwards, and Taako considers that this treatment is considerably more annoying on this end. If you get your blood all over someone, the least they can do is take your calls. 

Fortunately, though, there's a workaround for this particular case, in the form of a grimoire he once stole from a twitchy pale guy who worked in the Bureau’s accounting department. Necromancy is a speciality he's always steered clear of, but desperate times, etc., and it's not like he's going to mess with any  _ actual  _ dead people. Well, just one. 

He has to acquire a bunch of super weird ingredients, but he gets a hookup from some druid Carey’s brother knows, and then it's just a matter of drawing an elaborate design on his floor in enchanted chalk, lighting some black candles, and sitting there chanting for an hour. 

He hopes Kravitz appreciates the effort. 

When he says the final word of the chant, in the infernal language of demons, a strange musical tone plays.

“Hello, thank you for summoning the forces of life and death,” a chipper voice says out the empty air in front of him. “My name’s Tom Collins. Now, I see that you’re trying to reach the king of terrors, the rider of the pale horse, the--” 

“Death, yeah,” Taako interrupts. “Does he have a horse?” 

“Sometimes, sometimes,” Tom Collins says airily. “My point is, I'm getting some interference on your end. Having a little trouble placing your location in our planar system. Do you happen to know the name of your particular Death?” 

“Oh, sure. I'm looking for Kravitz? And could you tell him I'm not doing any necromancing -- uh, in that sense, I mean, I just wanna talk.”

There's a pause, and then Tom Collins says in a much more friendly voice, “Oh, you're  _ Taako _ .”

“The one and only,” Taako replies, and the voice doesn't respond; instead, a figure appears in the middle of his summoning circle, the outline of a person in such a dark shade of black that it seems two-dimensional, as if it's a tear in reality, which of course it probably is, through to some kind of complete void. The outline gradually refines itself into the shape of a much more concrete-seeming Kravitz, cloak flowing in a breeze that isn't there. He’s holding onto his scythe and looks worried.

“Is something wrong?” he says, looking around like there might be a lich directly over his shoulder. 

“Hello to you too,” Taako says. “You weren't answering my calls. I wanted to ask you something.” 

Kravitz lowers his scythe, but only slightly. “Ask away.” 

“If I tell you something, can you tell Magnus?” 

Kravitz’s eyes widen. “You -- you don't even understand what you did for him, do you?” 

“What?” Kravitz’s expression has melted into some kind of strange half-smile. “What, what did I do?”

“Taako,” Kravitz says gently, “I'm not in touch with all the spirits of the dead. I was able to reach Julia because she felt that she had unfinished business on this plane. But now that she's been reunited with Magnus and the person they fought against in life is dead, they've moved on.” 

“What does that even mean?” 

“It means they've gone somewhere I can't reach, Taako. But I think it's a better place. And that's because of what you and Merle did.” 

“But that wasn't for him! That was selfish, that was -- my spells weren't working and I had to go on an  _ adventure _ \--”

Kravitz just keeps smiling at him. “You would've done it anyway.” 

“No!” Taako gestures expansively with his enchanted chalk. “I wouldn't have!” But he thinks about it for a moment, and sighs. “Yeah, okay, maybe I would have.”

Kravitz smiles almost triumphantly. “You see,” he says, “you're better than you give yourself credit for.” 

“Oh, don't say that.” Taako throws the chalk to the floor with more force than necessary. “I'm really never gonna see him again,” he says. “I don't know how you stand it, people… dying all the time. I fucking hate it.” 

“The Raven would say it's part of life’s natural balance. But I'm sure that seems very hollow to you.” 

“I killed forty people once,” Taako says. “Way more than that, if you count everything the Philosopher’s Stone got up to. What kinda balance is that?”  

Kravitz shakes his head emphatically, and his eyes light up with a flicker of red light. Taako wouldn't say it, but it's almost like talking to a lich. “You didn't kill them,” he says. “And anyway, what about all the people you've saved? The worlds you’ve saved? You’re -- you must know that none of us would be here without you.” 

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Taako snorts. “Look, I just wanted to tell Magnus about Merle killing his bitter eternal nemesis or whatever. You don't have to stick around and try to like, improve my self-image.”

“I wish I could.” Kravitz pauses for a long moment, during which Taako looks anywhere but at him. “Can I ask you something now? And this might be a little weird.” 

“By my standards? Doubtful, my dude.” 

“Do you want to go out on some calls with me?” 

This brings Taako up short. Admittedly it is, by his standards, weird. 

“ _ Calls _ ? Like death calls?” 

Kravitz nods. “I thought it might make the whole concept a little less…” 

“Terrifying,” Taako suggests, and Kravitz nods again. 

Taako considers the offer. It might be nice, he thinks, to know exactly what Kravitz does all day, outside of turning into crystals and trying to kill him. Might help him stop thinking about it so much, anyway. “Is that allowed?” 

“For an emissary of Istus, certainly.” 

Taako had sort of forgotten he still had that particular title. He shrugs. “Sure. You know me, I'll try anything once. As long as it definitely won't kill me.” 

Kravitz smiles with genuine enthusiasm; it makes Taako’s stomach do a kind of queasy, nervous flip. “It won't,” he says. “I promise.” 

 

*** 

There was a world, once, where they lived for a year in the ruins of what seemed like a recently lost civilization, searching for most of the year first for the light of creation and then for any living person. They found the former, but not the latter. There was no sign of what had happened -- it was as if everyone had simply left on the same day for somewhere better, so hastily that they left everything of their own world behind. 

When the year was almost up, Davenport declared that they should spend the last few days enjoying themselves. They found the nicest hotel in the world’s biggest city, completely empty of people but full of every luxury you could ask for. 

Taako and Lup made everyone dinner in the nicest kitchen they’d ever been in, and they ate it sitting on the floor of the grand ballroom. After quite a few drinks of some kind of alcohol they couldn't identify, Lup had pulled Barry out onto the dance floor. 

Merle dragged Lucretia and Davenport into a very competitive game of cards, but Taako just watched them dance. There was no music, but he knew they didn't need it -- they had their own. And Barry wasn't a  _ good  _ dancer, but he didn't need to be. They were both laughing, as happy just to be together as any two people could be.

Magnus had been the one to ask if he was alright, which at the time was not typical Magnus behavior. But he seemed to have spotted something about Taako’s demeanor, something faraway in his eyes.

“I'm fine,” Taako said. 

Magnus raised his eyebrows at him. 

“I get how you feel, you know,” Magnus said. “I mean, I never thought about that kind of thing before, settling down and having a family and stuff. Not until I realized what was happening to us.”

“Well, how could The Hammer ever be tied to just one woman?” Taako says drily. 

Magnus laughs. “You don't ever think about it, though?” he says. It's a trenchantly earnest voice. 

Of course, Taako hadn't thought about it  _ before _ . That kind of thing didn't make sense in the life he and Lup led. They'd learned early on that just because someone wanted you didn't mean you could trust them. At the end of the day, they had each other; if that had ever not been enough, they hadn't talked about it. Taako hadn't thought about it. 

But now Lup had Barry, and they did trust each other, respect each other, love each other maybe more than anyone else ever had. Which meant, whether Lup denied it or not, that she needed Taako less. 

And, well. For all intents and purposes, there were only four other people in the world, and those options were not great.

“Nope. Taako’s good out here.” 

“Well,” Magnus says, “I think we’re gonna get out of the loop. We’re gonna figure it out and end up somewhere with other people. And I think that --” he nods at Lup and Barry “--is gonna happen for all of us.” 

He was always an optimist, and Taako hadn't really believed any of it, but it made him smile anyway. 

In the end, none of them had really managed that -- except for Magnus. What he had with Julia was life-defining, and Taako thought whatever change they'd gone through in those one hundred years, Magnus had held onto it, that capacity for love. 

Taako wasn't that kind of person. Any hidden depths he had, he kept hidden. The last thing he's ever been good at is love. 

 

***

 

Kravitz shows up bright and early the next morning, apparently having secured the Raven Queen’s blessing for Take Your Undefined-Maybe-Quasi-Ex-Boyfriend To Work Day. 

Taako’s gotten used to a schedule that doesn't require him to interact with anyone, or apply the necessary Disguise Self spells, before noon, and grouses about it a little while he laces his second-best magical boots, Kravitz hovering awkwardly on his doorstep. 

“Well, as they say, death waits for no man,” he says with a halfhearted laugh. 

“I think we can safely say that one’s been mythbusted.” Taako carefully adjusts the angle of his hat’s point. “Okay. Let's go.” 

Kravitz holds something out to him, and Taako realizes it's a spare black cloak, identical to the one he always wears. “You'll need this for astral plane travel,” he says. “Otherwise you have to, um, stay there.”

Taako puts the cloak on. It's noticeably too long, and he probably doesn't cut quite the same imposing figure, but Kravitz smiles and says, sincerely, “I like it.” 

His scythe cuts a path through the still air of a quiet Hogsbottom morning, and before Taako can even glance around at the astral plane, they're somewhere else. 

It's some kind of cold stone room, and they're standing in front of three people, all tieflings, apparently all adolescents, whatever age that is for tieflings. There's a summoning circle drawn on the floor, not unlike the one Taako had used except for the amateur production value. The tieflings are all dressed completely in black, with eyes ringed in heavy makeup and silver jewelry around their necks and horns, and they all look terrified. 

“Y-you're not a zombie,” one of the tiefling kids says in a trembling voice. “You’re --”

“I am something you don't want to get to know for a long time,” Kravitz says. He's using his work accent, and Taako looks over to see he's not only doing the skull face bit but also holding up handfuls of blue flame. 

Taako also realizes that he himself is now completely invisible. 

“Oh, sweet,” he says. “Hey, can these fools hear me?” 

No one responds to this. 

“Are you going to kill us?” another one of the tiefling kids squeaks. 

“That decision is yours,” Kravitz says. His voice is so menacing that even Taako feels a little bit menaced by it. “If you continue to anger the Raven Queen by calling on the forces of death, those forces will eventually devour you.” 

“Oh, wow,” Taako says. “Hey, kids, this guy might seem impressive, but don't be afraid. He's totally faking that accent.”

Kravitz turns his head very slightly to glare at him. 

“And nobody even knows why he does it,” Taako continues blithely, “because it's not like anyone's nightmares are exactly haunted by Oliver Twist.” 

“We’re not trying to anger the Raven Queen!” the first tiefling kid says, and the other two nod vigorously. “We love her! This whole thing is about the Raven Queen!” 

“Then you have offended her even more. To meddle in matters of life and death is no tribute to the Raven.”

“Okay,” the kid says sullenly. She scuffs ruefully at the chalk pattern with the toe of her shoe. “I guess we just thought it would be, y’know, cool.”

“Like, all the kids at school say we worship demons ‘cause we’re tieflings,” another one says. “We just thought it would be kinda cool if a zombie ate them.” They look up at Kravitz with shining eyes. “Hey, could you maybe eat them? Or just scare them a little.” 

“Oh, I like this kid,” Taako says. 

Kravitz clears his throat. “I, um, I can't do that,” he says. “But just remember that, well, it's better to not fit in than to spend your afterlife in the eternal stockade. Um. Necromancy is for losers.”

The kids mumble a general, reluctant agreement to this. It doesn't sound very sincere.

“I can let you off with a warning this time. But you only get one.” 

With that, Kravitz turns on his heel and cuts another path through to the astral plane, and Taako follows. 

It's mostly void, on the other side. Kravitz takes out his book of names and scrawls a quick note in it. “Unsuccessful summoning,” he says nonchalantly. “Actually a lot of what we deal with.”

“Really? You're giving teens the safe-spells lecture? Man, I thought your job was more exciting than that.” 

Kravitz smiles. “Not always. Anyway, we have another call.” He extends his arm, all classic courtesy and chivalry, and Taako takes it without really thinking about it. 

They step through to another plane, again. 

This time, they're in a more classic setting for death -- it's someone’s bedroom. The bedroom, specifically, of a very old gnome woman, who seems to be moments away from dying alone. She's lying down with her eyes shut, taking shallow breaths that seem extremely laborious, but her eyes snap open the moment they walk in. 

“Ah,” she says, “it's you. Well, it's about time.”

“Hail and well met, Helena,” Kravitz says. “How are you feeling?” 

“Behind schedule,” the old woman, Helena, says crossly. “I stopped eating weeks ago. The acolytes keep checking in, and I have to tell them the Raven’s emissary no longer keeps his appointments.”

Taako glances around the room to see a small altar covered in black candles and black feathers. He’d learned a thing or two about religion, although no more than that, traveling with Merle, and he's pretty sure he knows what this is. There's a whole sect of Raven Queen worshippers dedicated to meditation on the exact time when their death will arrive, and when they feel they've reached it, they just stop eating and wait for death to show up. Taako hadn't known Death did so in person, but it does make sense.

Kravitz crosses the room to stand at the side of bed. “It wasn't your time yet,” he says. “Even a high priestess doesn't have a copy of the book.” 

“Well, no matter, let's get on with it,” Helena says. Then she looks around the room suspiciously. “Is there someone else here?”

“A friend learning the tricks of the trade,” Kravitz says smoothly. “Last words?”

Helena settles against her pillows, numerous enough to dwarf her small face. “Last words are for people who haven't said enough,” she pronounces.

With that, Kravitz extends a hand and reaches into her chest, hand emerging a moment later curled around a small ball of light. Taako has to look away then, but his gaze falls on the priestess’ face. She's smiling.

“Pretty peaceful death for you to show up,” Taako comments as they step back through to the astral plane. 

Kravitz is holding the soul more carefully than you would imagine skeletal hands capable of. When the portal is fully sealed and they're standing in darkness, he releases it carefully. Helena’s soul rises into the blackness, apparently under its own power. It -- she? -- does a few laps around Kravitz’s head, then one around Taako’s, before speeding off into the void. 

“Her monastery are fans of mine,” Kravitz says. “You start to get attached. It's the least I can do to make an appearance.” 

“Yeah, no offense, but death worship is definitely the worst religion I can think of.”

Kravitz laughs. “It was mine, when I was alive. Maybe not the choice I’d make now, but it got me this job.” He spins his scythe around in his hand. “This is the less pleasant part, but -- would you mind if I deal with a necromancer?” 

Taako grins. “That sounds like it would be more in my wheelhouse.” 

“Just remember to stay out of the way,” Kravitz says, scything a path through to another point in the world. Taako sticks his tongue out at him behind his back. 

As soon as they're through to this new death-related scene, it's clear to him that this is going to be a somewhat hairier situation. They're standing across from two people, a human man and a dwarven women, dressed in expensive-looking robes and carrying staves. All around them, there are pits in the ground; as Taako’s eyes focus, he realizes he’s looking at open graves. 

And rising from the graves are quite a number of dead people, making horrible guttural groaning sounds that are cliche for zombies but no less terrifying for it. 

“Hachi machi,” Taako mumbles, and immediately hopes that he’s still inaudible to zombies.

Kravitz’s voice echoes around them, and the necromancers look up, startled. “You have defied the will of the Raven Queen,” he says. “Surrender while you still may.” 

With that, Kravitz brings the end of his scythe down forcefully against the ground, and a good seventy percent of the zombies clawing their way out of the graves surrounding them instantly go limp and fall back down. 

It's pretty sweet.

“Never!” the dwarven woman shouts at him. “Our will is stronger than even the gods!” Behind her, her human companion looks a lot less sure about that. 

She casts a spell in their direction, a cone of cold surrounding them immediately. 

But to Taako’s surprise, he doesn't feel the cold. It must be the black cloak; the fabric seems to almost draw tighter around him, protective. 

“You do not understand your mistake,” Kravitz says. He holds out a hand and a bolt of red energy crackles from it, striking the remaining corpses, and they fall back into their graves. “Give yourselves a chance to live.”

Taako’s starting to wish he had brought some popcorn with him when suddenly the human man shouts something in a language he doesn't know and casts a spell. 

Taako isn't sure exactly what it is, but it's a blinding white light, bright enough to seer and to hurt his eyes. He closes them in self-defense, but after a moment the spell fades, and after blinking a few times he's able to see again, feeling as though he's been more annoyed than hurt.

Kravitz, on the other hand, is reeling backwards, staggering as though the spell is still surrounding him. He doesn't have eyes in this form, but he's thrown an arm in front of them anyway, shielding himself. 

Radiant damage, it has to be. 

The dwarven woman laughs and raises her staff again. 

“Oh, fuck this,” Taako says, and casts Disintegrate.

It's not what he means to cast. He means to cast Blink, to hang out in the ethereal plane until this is all over. But he sees Kravitz from the corner of his eye, surrounded by a white glow that seems to be pressing against him. Hurting him. And Disintegrate is what he casts instead. 

It’s a tough spell, but it works perfectly, and in a matter of seconds their necromancers are so much necromancy soup.  

Kravitz looks over at him, the spell effect surrounding him now gone. “Sixth level spell?” he says. 

“Yep.” 

“You really weren't supposed to do that.” 

“Well, they're dead, aren't they? That was the goal.” 

Kravitz’s skeletal face manages to convey something like a smile. “I suppose it was.” 

“Cool.” Taako sticks his wand back behind his ear, feeling pretty good about his magical abilities. “You wanna head back to my place? We could get something to drink.”

Casually, Kravitz swipes his scythe through the glowing souls of the two necromancers, and they disappear. “I don't really drink, you know.” 

“Yeah. But sometimes it helps.” 

 

***

The beauty of astral plane travel is not having to stop in the main room of the tavern and talk to Hathaway, who would tell Jeremy, who would tell Carey, who would tell everyone else. Taako has a few bottles of Redcheek ale in his small rooms, and he hands one to Kravitz and drinks deeply from the other.

They're perched awkwardly on opposite ends of the unfortunately named loveseat, and Taako doesn't really know where to start. 

“What are you doing living here?” Kravitz says eventually. 

“Huh?” 

“You know what I mean.” He frowns deeply. “It's such a waste of your talents, this place.”

“My talents haven't ever gotten me anything, dude.” There's something struggling to escape from his throat, and he remembers how easy it was to talk to Kravitz, before. “I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself anymore. I mean, imagine if you woke up one day and you had to stop being death.” 

Kravitz smiles sadly. “I see what you mean. I wouldn't know what to do with a… life.” 

“Right?” Taako gestures expansively with his cider bottle. “You're supposed to know what you want, but it's fuckin’ hard, normal life. You start thinking about other people as just, just --”

“Grains of sand,” Kravitz says in a distant voice. “Running through your hands.” 

“I was gonna say dust. But yeah.” 

He takes a drink, avoiding Kravitz’s eyes. 

If there's one thing that Taako is used to feeling, it's loneliness, a kind of nameless, echoing isolation that is hard to understand or even look at directly. There aren't many people who know what that's like, but Kravitz, he thinks, might be one of them.

“I think that's part of why you seemed different,” Kravitz says, after a long moment. “As soon as I saw those numbers next to your names, I knew there was something about the three of you that I didn't understand. And talking to you, Taako, there was something about you that seemed more -- permanent.”

Taako shakes his head. “I'm just an okay wizard with a really weird life.” 

“You're not.” There's a sharp conviction to Kravitz’s voice. “You know you're not.” 

Taako closes his eyes. “I'm tired of thinking about what it means,” he says. “Can't I just…” 

He trails off. Kravitz has set down his cider is covering Taako’s hand with his, and it's warm.

“Prestidigitation?” he says, quietly, and Kravitz nods.

“I'm sorry if I’m being, um. Forward.” 

Taako laughs, just a little. “This is stupid,” he says, and kisses him. 

Kravitz’s lips are warm, like he’s practiced being warm, and he almost immediately winds his fingers into Taako’s hair, like he’s determined to keep him close. And Taako feels a quiet relief at how easy it is, a kind of peace that he suddenly wants more than anything to hold onto. 

Kravitz pulls back to look at him, his hands framing Taako’s face, looking at him with something between confusion and wonder. “Are we… is this what you want?” 

There's an echo of something at the edge of Taako’s mind, and it's not of the last time they did this, it's something else, something longer ago and further away. And the longer he looks at Kravitz, the easier it is for whatever part of him is made up of magic to reach out to that echo, that memory. 

_ Tesseralia.  _

A fragment of something, a fragment of a bond, that was always there waiting for him to find it, and now he can feel it, that bond, getting stronger, and suddenly Taako knows everything. 

“Yeah,” he says, breathlessly, and springs to his feet, pulling Kravitz with him. “Listen. I have an amazing idea.” 

 

***

 

_ Lucretia, _

_ It feels super weird to be writing to you. I guess you're probably judging my handwriting and word choice pretty hard right now, huh? Well, whatever, I didn't want to do this in person.  _

_ I know you remember this, because you never forgot anything, but there was this one cycle where Lup died in the first month. Before she was a lich. I was always telling her to be more careful, but that time she wasn't. It was the worst year of my life -- and it's got some real competition, believe me.  _

_ But I got through it, right, because I knew I would see her again. And on this world, no matter how long she was gone, I never would've stopped believing I’d see her again.  _

_ You took a lot of stuff away from me. Magic, that was probably a side effect. You let me think I got the cooking show by myself, and that wasn't cool either. You don't get to play with people's lives like that. But you especially didn't have any right to make me forget Lup.  _

_You don't know what that's like. I’d say it's like losing a limb, but Merle is like, fine. So. It's way worse than that._

_ I don't know if this is a “forgiveness” type of deal. That really is not my jam. But I want you to know, everything that happened, that's not going to my whole life. I'm going to have a good life, no matter what I have to do to get it. _

_ So if you were worried that you, I don't know, ruined me, you should know that Taako’s going to be fine.  _

_ Lup says you and Davenport might be trying to get off this plane soon, and I don't know if that's a good choice or the worst choice ever, but hey. It's not my life.  _

_ If Magnus were here, he’d probably say that you shouldn't let what happened be your whole life either, but he's not here, so I'll just say: Good luck.  _

 

*** 

“This,” Lup declares, waving a forkful of food in Taako’s direction almost aggressively, “is amazing. I can't believe you never made this for us before. I mean, Taako. Holy shit.” 

Next to her, Barry is visibly sweating. “It's definitely unique,” he says, dabbing at his forehead with a napkin. Taako didn't mention to Barry that he gave him the spiciest version of the sauce, but he's handling it okay. “What did you call these again?” 

“Taako’s famous taakos, baby. Already had the name trademarked.” 

Taako had gotten a letter from Ren about a year after Magnus died. She was living in Neverwinter, working as a sous chef in someone else’s kitchen, and had asked if he had any career advancement advice. Fortunately for her, Taako had been making some significant culinary innovations, and fortunately for Taako, Ren had good connections in Neverwinter and a lot of charisma. They make a great team. 

They'd named the restaurant Refuge. It was catchy. 

Angus is the only person from the old days who lIves nearby (he's going to university now, to learn how to be a real wizard, even though he's practically still an infant) but he gets a lot of visitors. 

He’d asked Lup if she wanted to stay, told her that he would always have a job opening for her if she wanted it. Lup declined. She and Barry were born adventurers, she said. 

That was fate, Taako figured. Maybe his fate isn't as impressive, isn't some grand destiny. It's nothing really worth Istus’ time, but it's good. It's his. And anyway he’d already saved the world once. 

Lup grins at him. “Now you just gotta get that show back so I can do a guest spot.”

“Oh, don't worry. I will.”

“ _ Taako! _ ” Ren’s voice rings out across the restaurant. “You have visitors!”

He turns his head to see Merle and Kravitz walking in together, looking, as ever, both slightly on edge. Almost immediately upon entering Taako’s line of sight, Merle flings a bouquet of flowers at him. They hit him squarely in the chest. 

“Uh, thanks?” Taako says. The flowers are red roses. They look expensive. “You didn't really have to bring anything.” 

“Oh, those aren’t from  _ me _ ,” Merle says. He gestures vaguely at Kravitz, who looks increasingly nervous as he hangs his black cloak on the nearest coat rack. “This one can't keep plants alive, apparently, so I brought ‘em back from the dead for you. Heh. Get it?” 

“Astral plane travel,” Kravitz says apologetically. “It can be easy to forget.” 

Taako grins and props the roses up against the tasteful centerpiece. “Well in that case, thanks, babe. You remember Barry and Lup.” 

“Hi!” Lup says, with a smile that shows all of her teeth. Barry waves nervously. 

Kravitz smiles back, sitting next to Taako and squeezing his hand a little nervously under the table. “Thank you,” he says, “for letting me come along.” 

“Oh, thank  _ you.”  _

Lup seems to have a wide range of topics prepared, from quizzing Kravitz about what exactly his job involves to telling embarrassing stories from their childhood (“first time he tried to cast Charm Person, he hit the wrong target and this cloud of bees followed us around for an hour”) and Kravitz keeps giving Taako a look that says he's thrilled to be subjected to all of it. 

It seems -- normal. Maybe too normal. 

Magnus used to be the only one of them who celebrated his birthday every year, after a few decades. He made jokes every year as his number crept into human middle age and then past it into old age and then implausibility. When he got to one hundred, he stuck a hundred candles into his cake and accidentally set Merle’s beard on fire.

He would appreciate, Taako thinks, that they still mark it.

People from the Bureau start to trickle in throughout the evening, many of them bearing alcohol. Davenport brings an enormous bowl of hard candy. At closing time, Ren sits down with them and tells everyone the story of Refuge, of the only grand relic that had made the world better. 

Quite a few rounds of drinks later, and late enough that Killian is sternly telling Angus he should get to bed soon, Taako thinks the last invitation he extended, almost half-heartedly, is going to go unanswered. But then he hears Avi call across the room, “Madame Director!”

She's standing in the doorway by herself, and looks like she's on the edge of turning around and walking out again. She's holding tightly onto a small, carved wooden duck.

Lup and Barry smile when they see her, and somehow, that makes it seem normal. Makes it seem okay. 

“Yo, Lucretia,” Taako says, raising his voice high enough to be heard over quite a few others, and she looks back at him, like she's waiting for a cue. 

“We’re over here,” he says, and she smiles. 


End file.
